Students Demand World’s Largest Arms Dealer Protect Them From Guns

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guns(UR) American students staged a national protest today to unironically demand the world’s largest purveyor of deadly weapons protect them from guns.

We caught up with a few of these entitled snowflakes outside of their school in a wealthy, white suburb where guns generally aren’t needed to defend yourself from street criminals or criminals wearing badges/suits.

Me, an intellectual: “Why are you rich little brats out here begging the government to take away rights?”

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Snowflake #1: “Because only the government should have assault rifles! Cops are the only ones to be trusted with those kinds of deadly weapons!”

Me: “Are cops violent racists?”

Snowflake #1: “Yes!”

Me: “Do you see the problem now?”

Snowflake #1: “No!”

Me: shakes my fucking head

Snowflake #2, butting in: “Gun rights aren’t to protect us against tyranny anyway! Like an assault rifle could stop the world’s strongest government from subjugating citizens. lol.”

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Me, clearly the only one who didn’t walk about of history class: “Then explain why the U.S. hasn’t been able to defeat the Taliban after 16 years of war and spending trillions of dollars. Showing off my dank pro-gun memes saved on my flip phone “Explain how Vietnamese rice farmers kicked the U.S.’ a*s in the Vietnam war!”

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Snowflake #2, invoking Bill O’Reilly: “You can’t explain that. But Trump the racist borderline fascist should be in charge of who gets guns and who doesn’t.”

Me, losing my cool: “You’re both idiots.”

Satire / Underground Reporter

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