Breaking: Pedestrian Bridges Now More Dangerous Than Marijuana

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bridges(UR) Poorly-built pedestrian bridges in the United States now account for more deaths in 2018 than marijuana has killed literally ever.

The new development comes after a shoddy new pedestrian bridge collapsed in Miami on Thursday, taking six lives, six more than marijuana use has ever taken in all of human history.

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Anti-bridge activists held a march after a vigil for the victims of the mass bridging calling for the federal government to ban bridges over 20 feet long and for “common sense bridge control.”

Pro-bridge nuts said we need more bridges, not less, and called for ending restrictions on length.

Meanwhile, marijuana remains federally illegal despite never killing a human being in the history of the universe.

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Satire / Underground Reporter

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